Well, it looks like April will be moving out in about a week instead of yesterday, like I had hope/planned. Apparently, the folks at her old apartment don’t want her back, and I can’t kick her to the curb, as it were. So, She’s going to look for rooms for rent around where she’ll be going to school in october. A good idea, I think, better’n living at CSC, anyhow, and I would rather her live someplace comfortable then out and about. So, We’ll see. I’m hoping this won’t be too difficult, and that she doesn’t take advantage, and make a week turn into a month. (She gets a biggie paycheck this friday, so I think she’ll move easiyl next weekend.) I’m not going to take any $$$ from her, even if she does offer it, I’ll tell her to put it towards school or her apt.

In other news, we were doin glaundry together this morning, and we saw an ad for free black kittens. I think newton could use a little pal, and I’d enjoy another little fuzz-bucket kicking around the apartment. Any ideas on names? My trend has been to name for scientists & cool historical figures. Newton…. maybe another physics guy to go with? Schrodinger? Escher? I dunno.

Well, April and I have broken up, amicably. I was feeling used and she says she was feeling like she was obliged to me. I don’t think we’ll continue to room together, as I don’t feel I could handle it, and I think she only wants to room with me for the cable, smaller rent bill, internet and access to Newton. Heck with that. Even though I would enjoy having the cost break in rent and food, I don’t think I would deal well with a friend I used to have sex with living under my roof and sharing my bed (just to sleep in). Man. Sakes.

Man, I feel lousy. I don’t like where I am right now, relationship-wise, and job-wise things could be better. I keep forgetting about the hard parts of a relationship, and now my petty mind is harping on all the little chafe-y things that bother me when I’m not love-drunk. Honestly, I was getting by well enough alone, but being with someone is nice, too. I know she’s got some sort of family issues, with both parents. I don’t know, maybe her behaivior comes from there. The thing is, I don’t care where certain behaiviors start from, I just want postive stuff to continue, and negative stuff to cease. Deception and fear only hurt. And I’m feeling pretty low…

Well, either I made a positive step last night, or I screwed up big time. I confronted April about her feelings for me, basically asked her where she thought we stood. She reacted poorly, as I told her that I was feeling frustrated and less than equal in our relationship. I may have gone over the line when I asked if she was using me. (I really can’t tell sometimes what is better asked directly, and what is better phrased diplomatically. I know I prefer someone to shoot straight with me.) Lately it’s seemed that I’ve been actively giving, and she actively taking, but not much on the reverse flow. Before I commit to falling for her any more than I already have, I want to know that my affection is reciprocated, and that she’s not just in this for room and board. Honestly, why can’t I find someone who gives as well as they get? Am I just being too needy? Feh. For what it’s worth, it’s been fun having someone to go out with, and talk to late into the night, but I want something that feels more genuine. I guess the next day or so will hold the answers.

I’ll try to be more entertaining next post, honest.