> Let’s never disregard my favorite law enforcement euphemism,
>”Dynamic Entry.”
> Here in Birmingham, that’s what it’s called when the officers expect
>trouble. It usually works something like this, in the course of
>about, oh, three seconds:
>
> KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. “POLICE OPEN UP!” *CRASH*
> (Once the door has been obliterated, much cussing and confusion and
> handcuffing follows.)
>
>>Or at least that’s what they testify to…
>>instead of *CRASH*…cussing, confusion, handcuffing…”By the way,
>>we have this warrant”…:)

This is why I recommend killing two birds with one stone.

1) Rhinos don’t mate in captivity
2) The whole “warrant” and “probable cause” hassle.

So:
Since rhinos can smell water literally miles away and such, it’s safe to assume they have a great sense of smell. Using confiscated evidence, get them hooked on cocaine. Let them loose.

Soon, we have jittery. ill-tempered rhinos with delusions of bugs under their skins wandering the streets of a modern metropolis.

Inevitably, they smell coke. They charge. No crackhouse can withstand the assault of a crazed rhino who’s jones is comin’ down. And when a rhino smashes through your door, flushing evidence down the toilet is one of the last things on your mind.

The police, who’ve been following the rhino from a safe distance (hey, this is an Animal Control problem), get to enter the scene without a warrant because they were in hot pursuit. Probable cause? “Hey, we were trying to stop a rampaging rhino, the drugs were a bonus.”

As for mating in captivity: Give coke to females. Wait. Suddenly, captivity isn’t such a problem.

Also, a willing female rhino out in the trailer might be the only way to entice a belligerent male out of a wrecked crackhouse.

“Bad boys bad boys
Watcha gonna do
Watcha gonna do when AAAAAAAIIIIII!!!! Holy Crap, it’s a f-ing rhinocerous! RUN!!! (stomp gore impale)”

Settle in the crucible both the breath of the iron snake (being taken from him when his aspect is fire) and the Dust of Soft Elixirs, then adding the SWEET crystals (those of the first of the Five Elements) and blending until their aspects become one. To this mixture must be added two and three and five measures of the Water Stone, and (to the brim of the crucible) summon again the service of the serpent, from his aspect of biting wind. Thus is perfect the potion made, and it will satisfy the formula.

Alchemy is not, as the less benevolent factions of our Conspiracy want you to believe, the quest to turn lead into gold. Rather, the transformation of base metal into noble metal is allegorical. Alchemy and Gnosis are the same thing; the goal of the alchemist is to transform HIMSELF from base humanity into something in contact with the Gods, into a more perfect being, Illuminated, comprehending the nature of himself, both profane and divine. The formula above is one step, not towards Illumination, but towards the powerful channeling of the tension that binds us and make us less like Gods and more like Richard Nixon. In addition, the formula provides a kick in the pants to the bloodstream, followed shortly thereafter by deeper relaxation. It can also be used as an aphrodisiac, though it only works on potential lovers who are already close to Gnosis themselves. In so doing, both of you will come closer to the Goddess. The Purple Sage and the Purple Throat Potion were not named for one another, despite popular rumor. The Sage did, however, have a fondness for its effects.

The Low-Carb Cookbook: The Complete Guide to the Healthy Low-Carbohydrate Lifestyle with over 250 Delicious Recipes

My nominee for worst book of the year. This lame attempt at a high-octane crime thriller comes up far short of any sense of suspense or terror – or even mild interest.

I would describe the plot of “The Low-Carb Cookbook: The Complete Guide to the Healthy Low-Carbohydrate Lifestyle with over 250 Delicious Recipes,” but there is no plot. There seems to be no coherent story at all from one page to the next; just a list of edible ingredients and a short narrative on how to prepare them.

“The Low-Carb Cookbook: The Complete Guide to the Healthy Low-Carbohydrate Lifestyle with over 250 Delicious Recipes” starts out promisingly, with a short interlude on a nice steamed chicken with asparagus tips. However, that story line is never completed, nor is it ever referred to again. Instead, on the next page is a non-sequitor jump to another food-related storyline, this one involving a light pork steak roast with wild rice and corn.

I became so frustrated with “The Low-Carb Cookbook: The Complete Guide to the Healthy Low-Carbohydrate Lifestyle with over 250 Delicious Recipes,” I gave up on it just 130 pages in. There was no main character, no secondary characters, no love interest, no antagonist, no beginning, no middle, no end, no flashbacks, no climax, no humor, and no plot. Why anyone would ever buy and read “The Low-Carb Cookbook: The Complete Guide to the Healthy Low-Carbohydrate Lifestyle with over 250 Delicious Recipes” is a mystery to me.

The only possible use I can imagine for ” The Low-Carb Cookbook: The Complete Guide to the Healthy Low-Carbohydrate Lifestyle with over 250 Delicious Recipes” is if someone out there actually wanted to try to prepare the food dishes described within “The Low-Carb Cookbook: The Complete Guide to the Healthy Low-Carbohydrate Lifestyle with over 250 Delicious Recipes.” But as a taut crime thriller, “The Low-Carb Cookbook: The Complete Guide to the Healthy Low-Carbohydrate Lifestyle with over 250 Delicious Recipes” is a miserable failure.