All posts by scottobear

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The Horrible Affliction Test

Congratulations, you’re rabies!

Transmitted by rabid animals, you’re most commonly found infecting creatures such as raccoons, skunks, bats and foxes. But don’t worry, you affect humans too, causing either paralysis or hyperactivity in your advanced stages, and ultimately death.

Your most famous symptom is hypersalviation – that delightful foaming at the mouth that we have come to know and indeed love. However, you can also cause hallucination; think of the fun you could have at parties!

If you wish, you can proudly tell the world that you kill dogs with the following fine graphic:


Take the Affliction Test Today!

I thought this was America? I don’t want to live in a country where four hippies and a talking dog can’t have the freedom to catch fake ghosts with the occasional help of Phyllis Diller or the Harlem Globetrotters! That’s my America! And while you may not agree with my opinion, you’re not gonna change it!

Lots of straight dope about turtles. (With a side note on other tushie-breathers)

Is it true turtles breathe through their butts?

Actually, a group of questions about turtles –

I have read that turtles can breathe through their bums. Is this true, and if so, why did they evolve such a talent and what are the mechanics of this trick?

My understanding of physiology is that animals (including humans) draw in air by expanding the volume of the chest cavity. How does a turtle, with a fixed chest cavity determined by its shell, draw in air?

When turtles put their heads in their shells, what happens to their spines? Do they buckle or contract?
Here’s the Answers

tangential – a word that sounds more naughty than it is, also urbane

tangential – what you have, after going to a nude beach.

seriously –

tangential tan-JEN-shuhl adjective

1. Only slightly relevant to the matter in hand; digressive; divergent.

2. Merely touching.

3. Mathematics: Of or pertaining to the nature of a tangent.

From Latin tangent-, tangens, present participle of tangere (to touch).

urbane ur-BAIN, adjective:
Polished and smooth in manner; polite, refined, and elegant.

From Latin urbanus, “of a city,” hence “refined, polished,” from urbs, “city.” The noun form is urbanity (pronounced ur-BAN-ih-tee).

If you shoot him, you'll just make him mad..

Mongo! Santa Maria!

I just got one of the jokes in blazing saddles…(on comedy central at this hour…) I’ve only seen the dang movie a dozen times or more, mostly in fragments.

A loud rumbling noise announces the unleashing of the dreaded Mongo in the town, riding a white, sharp-horned, brahma bull or ox (with a red YES on his left flank, and a red NO on his right flank). A man in a serape sees Mongo entering the town and exclaims:

Mongo…Santa Maria!

Thus the gag: Mongo Santamaria is one of the most phenomenal bongo players that ever lived…How’d I miss that all this time?

If you shoot him, you’ll just make him mad..

Mongo! Santa Maria!

I just got one of the jokes in blazing saddles…(on comedy central at this hour…) I’ve only seen the dang movie a dozen times or more, mostly in fragments.

A loud rumbling noise announces the unleashing of the dreaded Mongo in the town, riding a white, sharp-horned, brahma bull or ox (with a red YES on his left flank, and a red NO on his right flank). A man in a serape sees Mongo entering the town and exclaims:

Mongo…Santa Maria!

Thus the gag: Mongo Santamaria is one of the most phenomenal bongo players that ever lived…How’d I miss that all this time?