That settles it. I’m going to go out in Fabio-mode today. Let the hair hang down all natural-like.
Campbell’s Bows Out. . . Many Lives Are Saved.
First off, Campbell’s, I hate you. You had it all going for you with your fancy-schmancy soups and all, but you just couldn’t leave well enough alone, could you? No, you had to go and put ramen noodles on the market. Well, I guess the consumers got the last word on this slap-in-the-face, didn’t they, you dopes. Yes, dear readers, Campbell’s ramen noodles have been discontinued. . . and no one even noticed. Let me give you a little rundown on why this ingenious marketing idea burned to the ground. . .
Right off, it is important to understand that every college kid, every bachelor, every single bachelorette on the face of this planet eats ramen noodles for one reason and one reason only: they are cheap as hell. You can buy FOUR packages of ramen noodles for under a buck, and whether you like the taste or not, you damn well learn to relish their merciful existence because when you have four dollars left for the rest of the week, ramen noodles quickly become the thin line between life and starvation. Campbell’s, for some odd reason, thought that people were buying the dehydrated slivers of starch and packets of colored salt because they just couldn’t get enough of that beefy, chickeny, “oriental” delicacy that seemed to be sweeping the nation. No, Campbell’s, we were broke!
So why am I so mad that they decided to partake in the thriving ramen industry? Because they charged about FIFTY CENTS a pack. That’s over TWICE what the regular ramens cost, which insults my intelligence and offends me as a consumer. Sure, the people at Campbell’s would like to have you believe that they charge more because they make “better” ramen noodles than the other companies, but anyone who has ever eaten a single ramen noodle can tell you that THEY ALL TASTE EXACTLY THE SAME! Even if they were better, we still wouldn’t buy them for one simple reason: you pay twice as much for half the product. People don’t buy ramen noodles for the quality of the product. . . they buy them so they don’t get hospitalized for malnutrition. Even if we had the extra fifty cents to “upgrade” or ramen quality, we wouldn’t spend it like that. . . we would simply climb to the next rung on the ladder of single-people food: macaroni and cheese.
Let’s face it, Campbell’s, when’s the last time any of your executives went to an expensive company dinner and ordered ramen noodles. . . on purpose? When was the last time one of your rich-ass friends invited you over for dinner and this happened:
“Bob, you ought to bring over the wife and kids for dinner tonight.”
“Sorry, Biff, I have lots of work this evening.”
“Are you sure? We’re breaking out the ramen noodles. . . ”
“Really? Is it someone’s birthday?”
What? That’s never happened to you? You know why? Because you aren’t poor. Do you want to know why other ramen companies are still thriving and you had to discontinue yours? This is why:
Because other companies tell it like it is. Smack Ramen. This stuff is “smack” for poor people. They don’t try to flower it up or make it look all gourmet. Sure, they tried to make it look a little too pretty on the package, but not only does theirs cost eighteen cents a package, they named their entire company “Smack”. Because if you have to rely on ramen noodles as your chief source of nutrition, you probably look like a junkie, and Smack sure as hell isn’t going to act like they don’t know. Thank you, Smack, for looking our handicap right in the face and not pretending like it doesn’t exist.
And Campbell’s I only have one thing left to say to you: “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
Hannibal
“Hannibal” is the latest in a long series of novels from author Thomas Harris based on the popular 80’s television show “The A-Team.” Harris’ latest effort, as you may guess, revolves mostly around A-Team leader Hannibal Smith (played in the show by George Peppard).
The plot of “Hannibal” involves the A-Team being called in to save a small family’s farm, which is being threatened by a small army of Columbian drug dealers. The A-team must again use their ingenuity to defeat the army, and to save the family.
“Hannibal” is not Harris’ finest effort. Fans who are used to quality thrillers such as “B.A.’s Revenge” and “The Darkness of H.M. Murdoch’s Soul” will be a little let down by “Hannibal.” The plot is cliched, and even the running jokes seem tired. One sequence involving the A-Team trying to get B.A. Baracus (played by Mr. T in the show) onto a plane falls flat – we all know that B.A. is afraid of heights, and that the team will end up knocking him out to get him on board. However, that doesn’t stop Harris from devoting 175 pages to the scene.
There is plenty of action in “Hannibal,” but it still comes at the expense of chapter after chapter about Hannibal Smith’s childhood, and family life. Despite what Harris might think, this is not what A-Team fans read his novels for.
In the end, if you are a huge A-Team fan, and you have read all of Harris’ previous efforts, this one may be worth the hardback price. But if you are looking for a hard core page-turner, go elsewhere. “Hannibal” just doesn’t measure up.
Jackie Chan ‘toon
It was ok. pretty close to his film style, and had some nifty cartoony things that would’ve been spendy to do in a live action bit. I don’t know, though…. hard for me to decide if it works for me yet.
wakey wakey, garden snakey.
Ugh. rough for me to shake off the snoozies today…
good comfy sleep last night. I didn’t want to get out of bed, but I figure sleeping in to 10 am is late enough….
I called up regarding everway, and no info as to if we’re getting together after all, maybe I’ll go see Nurse Betty with Dave later on today.
I am Jack’s need to be around other people.
Thank goodness newt is such a buddy… but, his verbal skills are lacking. I have a real need to talk/ discuss/ debate/ banter about some sorts of stuff.
fiddle-dee-dee.
why Scotto left early.
Black tips. scary. I am a slow, floundering mass in the ocean. So, a beach walking I went. 🙂
saw this quote on rising entropy’s journal…
this body wasn’t made for me
(built for comfort, not for speed)
A great statement, and I think it applies nicely to me too.
Frabjous Day, Calloo, Callay!
::chortle::
A delightful day was had, indeed.
Got up at about 6am, showered and took a trip up coast about an hour to Jupiter (Juno Beach) where the swells were breaking at about chest to head level with Dave, Cathi, Derek and Luna the dog. (Juno is a dog beach, so it was cool) As the swells were so high, it was a little too rough for me to do any real surfing, but Dave and Derek did quite well, riding for a good 40-60 yards out there at times, cutting back and forth up to the pier. Cathi did a lot of boogie boarding, but the tide got to her, and she came back and rested after a very brief stay out there. I, on the other hand, remained on the shore, tossing the tennis ball and walking up and down the beach with Luna. Lots of really neat people out there, other dog walkers, girlfriends of the surfers out in the water, folks out getting tans. On the boardwalk area leading to the parking lot, I met a lovely family from Australia, and we talked about how spiffy each other’s accents were. The one guy did a good impersonation of a New Zealander, and a New Jersey brogue too. They laughed at my Paul Hogan ‘Guh-day Mite’ bit, and were very prod of the whole Olympic thing coming up. I got some color, especially on my legs, which rarely see daylight. It was kind of sharky out, some blacktips, saw one about 6 feet, so that was the end of that. End of beach day, about 2pm, finished with peanut butter & honey sammiches and watermelon chunks. So good. We drove home, and I took a nap for about an hour. What is it about a day in the sun that wears me out? The Nap was solid, and Newton nestled comfortably along my right side, head resting on my shoulder. I wish I’d had the cam on to capture him… so cute. I got up about an hour later, and gave Robby a ring,to see if he wanted to catch a flick, as we’d previously planned. We went to ‘The Art of War’ a surprisingly good action flick. Very full movie, no boring bits, and quite entertaining. We went to the 50’s diner for supper, I ate like a horse, drank about 3 or 4 liters of pop with my conch fritters. Yes the 50’s diner serves fountain drinks and conch fritters. is good. that was my opener for grilled cheese, and the pickle and even the slaw (which I rarely enjoy anywhere) was quite tasty.
Now settling down with a tape of the Jackie Chan Cartoon, (hopefully the schedule kept on target) I’m not expecting to enjoy it, but I’m going to give it 3 chances anyhow, as old Jackie is just a neato dude.
Tomorrow is the everway game, hopefully finishing up plot thread of field agent researching the source of a new trade commodity…. It’s getting a little old, and hard to develop the character for me. Trying hard not to be a sarcastic wise-ass guy, as the character is a driven, hard ass type. I broke character a few times last one there.
ok, ok, I’m back…
not in bed yet. Red Dwarf is on channel 2 again! midnight every weekday! hooray!
heading home…
My day is done, and now I tarry off to my happy home. 🙂
I probably won’t be around tomorrow, full day of outside stuff… Swells outside are chest to head high, and the brother has a 9 foot board that I can use! I’m super enthused!
See you kids probably on Sunday!
Ahhh… sweet friday.
Payday. Last Day o’ the week.
Boss buying lunch, and not attending.
We’re off to a good start.
Minor rant.
No one ever says, “I want to be a junky when I grow up.” And no one ever says, “I want to be a communistic politician when I grow up and make laws regulating people’s lifestyles.” And if you don’t think we have those, ask one of your gay friends if he’s married. You do know we as the people paid someone to make sure that couldn’t happen, right? I think it’s money well spent. Just think of all the gay marriage related deaths that have been prevented by those laws. Hell, it was getting as bad as all those marijuana related homicides. I guess I wasn’t around during prohibition, but I thought the lesson we learned from that sitcom of a decade was, “Don’t make laws nobody wants to follow and you can’t enforce anyway.” I’m not even really into drugs, but if I ever had the urge to go lick a toad to see colors, that shouldn’t really bug anyone. But I think I’m different from the lawmakers in this country. I have thumbs.
In an unrelated story, this baby can dig holes at an incredible rate and is destined to lead us to an underground utopia and a new age of enlightenment. Perhaps that’s why he is known to the children as Ultrababy X.
JAILS VS. PRISONS
JAILS
Jails are most often run by local governments and/or sheriffs.
Jails hold individuals who are awaiting trial or are serving short sentences. In Florida, inmates sentenced to serve 364 days or less, serve that time in jail.
Jails have a short average length of stay. Some admissions are for a few hours. Other pre-trial detainees are held for several years awaiting their trial. For that reason, the “average length of stay” data is skewed.
Jails must be able to accommodate all arrestees from those charged with misdemeanors to violent criminal offenders. For that reason, most jails are designed as maximum custody facilities.
Jails must provide all ranges of medical and mental health services, and be able to handle any medical emergency. It is estimated that 12% to 18% of jail admissions in the United States are individuals with acute or chronic mental illness.
Jails operate work release programs, boot camps, and other specialized services. They try to address education needs, substance abuse needs, and vocational needs while managing inmate behavior. Inmate idleness contributes to management problems.
Jails try to link departing inmates with services in their local communities such as veterans’ programs, AIDS/HIV counseling and treatment, and mental health counseling.
There are approximately 3,600 jails in the United States. The Broward Sheriff’s Office currently maintains three major facilities: the North Broward Detention Center, the Main Jail and the Division of Community Corrections. The number of beds in the entire system currently is 3,730. The average daily population is 4,300. When the new Joseph V. Conte facility opens, 1,024 beds will be added.
The BSO jail system is the 13th largest local jail system in the United States. It is one of only 3% of the local jails in the United States to have earned accreditation from the Commission on Accreditation for Corrections.
The federal government also operates several “jails” across the country which hold persons awaiting trial in federal court. The Federal Bureau of Prisons’ Miami Correctional Center is such a facility. All branches of the military also operate jails (brigs) to hold military personnel prior to court marshall.
PRISONS
Prisons are operated by state governments and the Federal Bureau of Prisons (BOP). Prisons are designed to hold individuals convicted of crimes.
Most prison facilities are exclusively either maximum, medium, or minimum custody facilities. Rarely are inmates with different classification levels mixed in the same facility.
State prison systems operate halfway houses, work release centers and community restitution centers — all considered medium or minimum custody. Inmates assigned to such facilities are usually reaching the end of their sentences.
Prisons are much different than jails. The constant turnover of inmates in a jail doesn’t happen in a prison. Prisons offer programs designed to rehabilitate inmates. About 97% of inmates committed to a state prison will eventually return to the community.
rules for visiting people in jail
Visiting, Writing & Phoning Inmates
Visiting Rules & Regulations:
Accommodations are made for one 2-hour visit per week. Visiting days and hours vary according to the BSO jail facility. Inmates are informed of visiting days and hours and are responsible for relaying this information to those who wish to visit them.
Due to limited visiting space, only two adults or one minor supervised by a parent may visit during the weekly visiting period.
Photo identification — such as a driver’s license, military identification, passport or state-issued ID card — must be presented by each adult visitor. Visitors who do not have proper identification will not be permitted to visit.
Visitors must be appropriately dressed. Shoes, shirts and appropriate underclothing must be worn. Visitors wearing suggestive clothing, transparent fabric, short-shorts or mini- skirts will not be permitted to visit.
Visitors under the age of 18 must be accompanied by a parent or legal guardian who must present either a birth certificate or court documentation showing appointment of legal guardianship. Minors must be supervised at all times by the parent or legal guardian.
Visitors must remain in the assigned visiting room/area during the visit and will be denied further visitation if determined to be under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
Visitors may not give anything to — or take anything from — an inmate.
Proper behavior of all visitors is required.
The Setting: At the toy store
The Players: A mother and her 5-year-old son
The Witness: I was shopping for a birthday present
——————————————————————————–
She asked:
Which one to you like?
He said:
I want a Buzz and a Big Woody!
She observed:
Isn’t that what every boy really wants.