Re:small (used for minimax original bio)
https://scottobear.livejournal.com/131805.html
This LiveJournal post, titled “Small,” was written by user scottobear and published on October 6, 2000. It is a piece of flash fiction or a short story that deals with themes of childhood illness, mortality, and the psychological mechanisms used to cope with trauma.
Here is an analysis of the post:
1. Narrative and Plot Summary
The story follows a ten-year-old boy who appears much younger (“small as five”) due to a debilitating illness, implied to be cancer (references to hair loss, “special food,” doctors, needles, and a “bad thing” seeking him). The boy develops a fixation on the concept of being “small.” To him, smallness equates to safety, invisibility, and the ability to slip away unnoticed.
The narrative concludes with the boy returning to the beach alone. While his parents cannot find him and likely mourn his death (“They seemed sad”), the boy’s perspective frames his disappearance as a triumph. He has successfully become so small—like a pebble—that “the bad thing” can no longer find him.
2. Themes and Symbolism
* The “Bad Thing”: The story personifies the boy’s illness or impending death as a predator (“the bad thing”) that is hunting him. By reframing death as a game of hide-and-seek, the boy retains a sense of agency in a situation where he has none.
* Smallness as Safety: The central metaphor is the safety of being small. In a world of scary “big” things (doctors, needles, the disease), the boy retreats into the idea that being microscopic renders him invulnerable. “You cannot be a small boy and be far away” and “You are smaller if you don’t scream” suggest a retreat into himself to survive the pain.
* The Pebble: The pebble represents the ultimate goal of the boy’s transformation. It is hard, enduring, and indistinguishable from thousands of others. By wishing to become a pebble, he wishes to become part of the eternal landscape of the sea, effectively immortal and beyond pain.
3. Tone and Perspective
The story is written in a third-person limited perspective, staying close to the boy’s internal logic. This creates a heartbreaking contrast between the innocent, magical thinking of the child and the harsh reality the reader understands.
* Euphemism: The boy never uses words like “cancer” or “dying.” Instead, he focuses on “special food,” “doctors’ place,” and “the bad thing.” This emphasizes his youth and his attempt to cognitively distance himself from the trauma.
* Bittersweet Ending: The ending is ambiguous and spiritual. While physically the boy has likely passed away (drowned or succumbed to illness on the beach), the narrative voice insists on his survival in a metaphysical sense. He hasn’t been “caught”; he has escaped.
4. Context and Author’s Intent
In the comments section of the post, the author (scottobear) provides crucial context for the piece:
> “Thanks. an old piece, posted due to certain folks passing due to cancer, and a lj’er mentioning her desire to shrink.”
>
This confirms that the story was a response to real-world grief and a specific conversation within the LiveJournal community about the desire to disappear or “shrink” away from life’s hardships.
5. Community Reception
The comments on the post reflect the emotional weight of the story. Readers described it as “amazing,” noted that it made them feel “lonely,” and praised the “Lilliputian” perspective. It highlights the tight-knit, supportive nature of the blogging community in the early 2000s, where creative writing was often used to process collective grief.
