There, in the darkness, stood my Greatest Fear, wearing a trenchcoat and some kind of cape, and for a moment, I was breathless with horrible anticipation. It ambled forward to the tune of a sultry saxophone played by All My Ambition, and when it spoke, the words were chiseled in crystal, “Don’t look behind you. I swear to God, you better not look behind you.”
Well, hours later I finally ordered supper… saw Scary Movie, and it was pretty weak, if you’ve seen all of the commercials, which show the majority of the funny bits. The rest was fairly mean-spirited, but there was one or two clever twists on the ‘scream’ theme. Overall, I’d give it 1/2 star, no stars if you’ve seen the commercials.
Two angry beavers, and an eggplant parm are in my future. Too bad nobody delivers cocopuffs
what to do, what to do…
the shop here on the homefront is already dark, and my roommate is in bed. I’m just up chatting online with the lovely and talented Erin, while munching on a peanut butter bagel. Aprils listening to her new tape, otherwise laying there quietly. Newton left my lap for the windowsill, even though it’s dark out… I imagine he wanted more stable footing.After gabbing, I now want to get back more into music. I think I’ll pick up a recorder too… something more quiet than the loudies I play. maybe something hand-sized. (a guitar is great, too.. )
Will wonders never cease?
April paid me back the $5 I gave her the other day for smokes. It appears that she got $400 paycheck, bought some videos(?!?) , a carton of smokes, and trinkets at the girly-store. *and* Vacuumed the apt, which really needed it. Good. A good side of her being here. I was needing one. Now, for her to find a place of her own. Soon. She was having trouble sleeping tonight and has to work tomorrow. She now has the $$$ to take her happy self wherever. I’ll be interested in seeing if she buys food to share here, as she’s been consuming my supplies left and right, or if she gets April-centric goods. I hope it’s the latter, as I don’t want to be blamed for “why she couldn’t do it”, etc.
Rowlf is now, and always will be my hero.
“I Hope That Something Better Comes Along”
(Rowlf & Kermit–both voiced by Jim Henson–sing their laments about women after Miss Piggy just walked out on her date with Kermit)
(Dialogue Intro)
Rowlf: Lemme guess: broken heart, right?
Kermit: Does it show?
Rowlf: Listen…when you’ve been tickling the ivories as long as I have, you’ve seen a broken heart for every drop of rain, a shattered dream for every fallen star!
Kermit: Exactly. She just walked out on me.
Rowlf: Ah, typical. That’s why I live alone.
Kermit: You do, huh?
Rowlf: (plays piano) Yep. I finish work, go home, read a book, have a couple of beers, take myself for a walk and go to bed.
Kermit: Nice and simple.
Rowlf: Stay away from women. That’s my motto.
Kermit: But I can’t.
Rowlf: Neither can I. That’s my trouble…
Rowlf:
You can’t live with ’em, you can’t live without ’em.
There’s somethin’ irresistabullish about ’em.
We grin and bear it ’cause the nights are long.
I hope that somethin’ better comes along.
Kermit: (spoken): Yeah, I know what you mean…
Kermit:
It’s no good complainin’ and pointless to holler.
Rowlf:
If she’s a beauty she’ll get under your collar.
Kermit:
She made a monkey out of old King Kong,
Both:
I hope that somethin’ better comes along.
Rowlf:
Ah, but what could be better than a saucy Irish setter
When puppy love comes on strong?
Or a collie that’s classy, a laddie needs a lassie,
A lover and wife gives you a new leash on life.
Kermit: (spoken): Uh, Rowlf, was that a new ‘leash’ on life?
Rowlf: (spoken): Oh yeah…sorry about that.
Kermit:
I don’t mean to scare ya, my friend, but I betcha
Come “Father’s Day”, the litter bug’s gonna getcha;
Rowlf:
The urge is righteous, but the face is wrong.
Both:
I hope that somethin’ better comes along.
Kermit:
Still, it’s fun when they’re fetching,
And agree to see an etching
That you keep at your lily pad.
There is no solution, it’s part of evolution,
Rowlf:
You’ll sooner hear the soles,
The little feet of tadpoles.
Kermit: (spoken) Ah, Rowlf, tadpoles don’t have feet!
Rowlf: (spoken) Oh. Sorry about that…. 2, 3, 4.
Kermit:
There’s no limitation to mixin’ and matchin’
Rowlf:
Some get an itchin’ for a critter they’ve been scratchin’.
A skunk was badgered the results were strong.
Both:
I hope that somethin’ better,
I hope that somethin’ better,
I hope that somethin’ better comes along!!!
Rowlf: Beep bop bidder da dum dum bum bum bum!
Rowlf: (spoken): It’s not often you see a guy that green have the blues that bad!
Hey Keen…
My pal JenJen is showing my journal to another counsellor type person tonight… I wonder what the hubbub is, and even moreso, I wonder what Jenny’s reaction to some of my past entries will be. (If she bothers to read this very deeply.) She knows I’m a big goofus, but I’m not sure how much of this she’ll want to be knowing. (I’m happy posting all of this to the world, so no sweat on my side… I just suspect that she might be in for a surprise or two. Or not? She’s pretty perceptive. And shares my love of Curious George. Actually, I’ll be surprised if she reads this entry, but if Jenny’s out there, Heya! 🙂
hmm…
Well, April says didn’t find the school she was going to register for yesterday, and also claims that her mom has breast cancer. I don’t know if it’s true, or if it’s just a story to soften me up and cut her slack about staying at my apartment. 🙁 It’s an efficiency, and there simply isn’t the room for two people that aren’t happy being smooshed close. I think I’m going to go online and call around for apartments for her.
No Lunch?
I just had some of my gang let me know that my lunch date with ’em might be preempted by a farewell to a co-worker. No IHOP for Scotto. Not too bad though, I may see if pal of mine Dave is up for a movie. What started this Week? Rocky & Bullwinkle? Scary Movie? Hm. I have’nt seen Me Myself & Irene yet, either. ::shrug:: Nothing tickling the movie-belly.
The body…
From a misbegotten memory of Emo Philips at the Hasty Pudding.
“My body isn’t a temple, more of like a badly run presbytarian youth center”
Hm. That’s about where I am now… Trying to get better though. 🙂
Wakey wakey
Recieved a lovely letter from a swell person who really brightened my day… thanks Christin!! It made me very happy, and came when I could really use it. Got up too late to do my regimen (If anyone thinks I’m going to walk 5 miles in July /noonish /Florida, they’re plumb loco. Ah well, I’ll shower, sync and be on my way. Hope you all have a happy day!
This was in my old journal… It reminded me to chill out. :)
Thought. (11 Weeks ago)
This was told to me be CB. It’s pretty insightful, so I figured I’d share it.
Whenever someone makes you feel hurt or angry, it is a gift. It is an opportunity to look in yourself and see *why* you feel that way. Because, in reality, nobody can *make* you feel anything. That person just triggered something inside you (probably from your past). When you feel the anger, it’s an opportunity to look at that trigger and DECIDE how you want to react…instead of letting past issues make the decision for you.
That really made me think, and I’m glad it did. I have no real reason to be angry or upset, and what’s more, I saw it coming for about a month. A week (or less) from now, April will be living somewhere else, and I’ll be able to analyse more clearly and keep myself much happier.
On looking at my old journal, the relationship lasted all of 14 weeks. A quarte year, and there was a lot of fun, especially in the first month living together, and the courtship period. My next endeavor should be better because of what I’ve learned this time around. 🙂
singing precious, overlooking the years, there’s a storm coming, aye.
Hum. I officially started my workout regimen this morning, mainly so I could get up and out of the apartment. Surprising as it was, it wasn’t oppressively warm out and the hour I spent walking was very helpful in ‘clearing the cobwebs’ of early morning waking. I noticed that not many people out and about were friendly, with a couple of pleasnat exceptions. I waved and said “Good Morning” to about 10 passers-by, and I got approximatly 7 no-replies, one person crossing the street to avoid me (I’m honestly not that scary!!) and two folks that smiled/waved, or said “‘Mornin!” I don’t know, but the friendly people made up for the stinky ones, maybe because I dealt with them last. On the return loop of my trip, I picked up some tasty food from my local grocer… I *love* morningstar farms stuff… Vegetarian Hot dogs! (Not like there’s much meat in regular weiners anyhow, but they taste good to me) Very low in fat to boot, got some good granny smith apples, bagels, nummy cornflakes (which I like to eat dry as a snack while watching the tube), and sundry items, not the least of which was a packet of ant-traps. I hate to kill the critters, but unless they pay rent, provide a service or give me love, they’re not welcome in my home for any extended peroiod of time. (Same goes for anything else, come to think of it. Friendship counts as love, though. 🙂 ) Anyway, the apartment is trapped, and I had to find a way to place them so Newton wouldn’t get at the traps and turn them into “Kitty toys full o’ Poison”… very tricky. Newton, by the way has figured out my situation with April and is being extra affectionate with me (either that, or He was just very happy to have me home all day yesterday, and was super-snuggly) by playing all day, and napping on my chest when I went to sleep midday. Newtie rocks… when I roll to the side, he nuzzles up, and when I go back on my back, he climbs onto my chest again. I really love that dang cat.
Burning Numb
He looked up in the last moment, and saw the giant concrete slab begin to topple toward him; slowly in its speed he felt the slab strike outstretched hands of his, momentum first no weight not yet causing first his arms to bend, the slab now pressing twisting forearms before the weight sinks in, driving him onto his back; one last sacred breath before the weight pins him to the ground, and in that sacred moment does he see immensity, becoming one with concrete so to speak, before the ground kicks in underneath him, patently refusing to getoutatheway; he looked up in that last moment, and saw the giant concrete slab begin to topple toward him.
Blame Missile
Tonight I felt a screaming pang of guilt because I stood up for myself and did as I felt I needed to do. It was as though acting within reason is no longer tolerable, as though some kind of hidden schedule needs to be followed without any chance for preparation. It was also as though because I had previously made grievous errors in judgment, now in order to resolve those errors I was being required to make further errors, and I saw myself spinning endlessly if I followed that path, and so I put an end to it (again), and once again, a pang of guilt came screaming across me; as though someone else’s feelings could somehow be a missile of blame, as though I couldn’t or shouldn’t allow myself to do anything that left me feeling at the very least, comfortable. All I wanted to do was get some rest, but I ended up too angry to move, too furious to sleep; I am not yet in control of my programs, my emotions still yet rule me even if they never escape the four walls of my skin. My defenses are low, I feel physically exhausted and emotionally spent, and of course, the onslaught of reality never stops, really. I gotta figure this out, come to peace with myself, I gotta stop fighting fire with fire and blame with blame, and allow myself to take responsibility for feeling good; as the lyric goes, “I’m okay when everything is not okay.”
Tonight I came this close to severance. Some day I’ll have courage enough to try to make sense when I talk about my feelings. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe in a couple of minutes.