A is for The A-Team
B is for BJ and the Bear
C is for “CHiPs”
D is for Dukes of Hazzard
E is for Electric Company
F is for Fall Guy
G is for Galactica 1980
H is for the Honeymooners
I is for the Incredible Hulk
J is for Jeffersons
K is for Knight Rider
L is for the Love Boat (original)
M is for M*A*S*H
N is for Night Court
O is for Outer Limits
P is for Planet Of The Apes
Q is for Quantum Leap
R is for Remington Steele
S is for Star Trek (original)
T is for Tales Of The Gold Monkey
U is for Unsolved Mysteries
V is for V
W is for Wild Wild West
X is for the X-Files
Y is for Young Indiana Jones Chronicles
Z is for Zorro

This is the story of one of America’s great unsung heroes. I mean you’ve seen him, but you never knew who he was, you’ve cheered for him and cried for him, women have wanted to die for him, did he ever get any credit? Or the girl? No! He was what we call a Stuntman. And the reason I’m talking so fondly about him is, well because it’s me. Colt Seavers. Anyway Picture work isn’t wall to wall employment, so maybe you wonder how a guy keeps his head together? Well one way is to wait by the phone. And wait and wait. The other is to take an occasional job for the court system of the United States of America, where a man is considered innocent until proving guilty. Unfortunately sometimes a lot of these people get out of jail on what we call bail, and run like hell. That’s where I come in. I sometimes pick up rent money trying to find them and bring them back to justice.

*sing it with me, people!*

Well I’m Not The Kind To Kiss And Tell,
But I’ve Been Seen With Farrah,
I’ve Never Been With Anything Less Than A Nine,
So Fine,
I’ve Been On Fire With Sally Field,
Gone Fast With A Girl Name Bo,
But Somehow They Just Don’t End Up As Mine,
It’s A Death Defying Live I Lead,
I Take My Chances,
I Die For Living In The Movies And TV,
But The Hardest Thing I Ever Do Is Watch My Leading Ladies,
Kiss Some other Guy While I’m Bandaging My Knee,
I Might Fall From A Tall Building,
I Might Roll A Brand New Car,
Cause I’m The Unknown Stuntman That Made Redford Such A Star

…I’ve Never Spent Much Time In School,
But I’ve Taught Ladies Plenty,
It’s True I Hire My Body Out For Pay,
Hey Hey,
I’ve Gotten Burned Over Cheryl Tiegs,
Blown Up For Raquel Welch,
But When I Wind Up In The Hay,
It’s Only Hay,
Hey Hey,
I Might Jump An Open Drawbridge,
Or Tarzan From A Vine,
Cause I’m The Unknown Stuntman That Makes Eastwood Look So Fine

going to the bed now.

Hobey-ohten-boten-bay, hobey-ohten-bay

Hey!

Hobey-ohten-botey-bay

go ing to the bed…. now!

Gnite!

Saw a monster in the mirror when I woke up today
A monster in my mirror but I did not run away
I did not shed a tear or hide beneath my bed
Though the monster looked at me and this is what he said:

He said “Wubba wubba wubba wubba woo woo woo”
Wubba wubba wubba and a doodly do
He sang “Wubba wubba wubba” so I sang it too
Do not wubba me or I will wubba you
Do not wubba me or I will wubba you

Told the monster in the mirror, “No, I am not scared”
Then I smiled at him and thanked him for the song that we had shared
Well, the monster thanked me too, he smiled right back and then
The monster in the sang his song again

He said “Wubba wubba wubba wubba woo woo woo”
Wubba wubba wubba and a doodly do
He went “Wubba wubba wubba” so I sang along
Yes, wubba wubba wubba is a monster song
Wubba wubba wubba is a monster song

Wubba wubba wubba wubba woo woo woo
Wubba wubba wubba and a doodly do
He went “Wubba wubba wubba” and I sang along
Wubba wubba wubba wubba wubba wubba
Yes, wubba wubba wubba is a monster song
Wubba wubba wubba is a monster song

If your mirror has a monster in it, do not shout
This kind of situation does not call for freaking out
And do nothing that you would not like to see him do
‘Cause that monster in the mirror he just might be you

Singing “Wubba wubba wubba wubba woo woo woo”
Wubba wubba wubba and a doodly do
Wubba wubba wubba you can join in too
Wubba wubba wubba wubba wubba wubba
Yes, if you wubba me then I will wubba you
If you wubba me then I will wubba you

Going wubba wubba wubba is the thing to do
Everytime you wubba us we’ll wubba you

starring Ernie (Jim Henson) and Bert (Frank Oz)

Ernie comes up, tapping Bert, who was reading, on the shoulder unexpectedly.

Ernie: “Hey Bert, it’s–”

Bert: “-Aak-Eek-Aak!–”

Ernie: “–time for our checker game.” (Ernie looks apologetic.)

Bert: “Oh Ernie, you scared me! I thought you weren’t here.”

Ernie: “Well maybe I’m not then.”

Bert: “What do you mean?”

Ernie: “You’re usually right about most things, Bert.”

Bert: (modest) “Welllllllll …”

Ernie: “And if you think I’m not here … then maybe I’m not!”

Bert: “Good! If you’re not here, Ernie, then I can go back to reading my book.”

(Bert does go read for about two seconds, as Ernie starts to get worried.)

Ernie: “But the question is … If I’m not here …”

Bert: (to himself) “Oh no …”

Ernie: (worried) “… then … Where Am I?”

Bert: “It’s going to be one of those days.”

(Ernie gets a pair of binoculars and looks out the window with them)

Bert: “Ernie … (irritated) Ernie, what are you doing?”

Ernie: “I’m looking for me, Bert! (pause) I thought I might be out taking a walk on Sesame Street, but I don’t see me anywhere. (pause) Then if I’m not out on Sesame Street —- I must be Lost!!”

Bert: “I don’t believe this.”

Ernie: “I’m lost! (he’s really upset by now) Out there, all alone, wandering through some spooky forest, or down some lonesome road … This is terrible! (starts to cry) I’ll never see me again!”

Bert: “Ernie!”

Ernie: (sniff) “I miss me!”

Bert: “Ernie, will you stop that! Now, I can prove to you that You Are Here. Now, get our hand mirror. (Ernie picks it up.) Now, what’s that?”

Ernie: “Oh, it’s a mirror.”

Bert: “No, no, I mean look inside!”

Ernie: (looks in the mirror) “I see … me, Bert! That’s me in the mirror, Bert!”

Bert: “Right! And if you see yourself in the mirror , that means–”

Ernie: “That means I must be Here! Gee, thanks, Bert! (smiles at the reflection) I missed me! (Ernie then goes back to Bert, tapping him on the shoulder as before) Hey Bert. it’s time–”

Bert: “Aak-Eek-Aak!”

Ernie: ” … for our checker game! I’m here!”

Bert: (angry) “Ernie, we can not play checkers!”

Ernie: “Why not, Bert? I’m here!”

Bert: (angry) “That’s right, you’re here, Ernie! BUT I’M NOT!” (marches out and slams door, leaving Ernie rather surprised.)

Some of us have feathers
Some of us have fins
Some of us are furry
And some of us have skins
We swim and hop and slither
And leap and soar and run
And we all live together
On a planet of the sun

We are all earthlings
We are all earthlings
Spinning around together
On a planet of the sun

We live in the desert
We live inside a tree
We live high in the mountains
Or deep beneath the sea
We live in tents and cabins
In houses just for one
And we all live together
On a planet of the sun

We are all earthlings
We are all earthlings
Spinning around together
On a planet of the sun

Floating down a river
Swinging through the trees
Climbing up a mountain
Going with the breeze
All of us can have a happy healthy place to be
If we can float and swim and climb in earthling harmony

We are all earthlings
We are all earthlings
Spinning around together
On a planet of the sun

Spinning around together
On a planet of the sun

Lower-case N.

In a cold and far-off place
There was a lower-case N.
Lonely and cold, she would stare off into space
And it was known that she would cry now and then.

Lower-case N, standing on a hill.
The wind is very still, for the lower-case eh-en…

(occasional, unearthly “oohs” in background now)

And then one day a rocketship
Came racing from the sky.
It landed on the hill and there opened up a door
And somethin’ started comin’ outside…

A lower-case N!
(She’s not lonely anymo-o-re)
They are standing on the hill
(There are two that stand for su-u-ure)
The wind is very still
For the lower-case eh-ens!