Mechanic Engineering
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A crook in Sweden successfully ripped off a car. But when he took it in for service, you’ll never guess who the mechanic was…

Like Giving Candy To A Baby
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The FBI said Friday that it is investigating the cash purchase of “large quantities” of candy from Costco stores in Hackensack and Wayne.

“We have been advised and we are looking into the incident of a gentleman buying large quantities of candy,” said Sandra Carroll, an FBI spokeswoman in Newark.

Did anyone tell the FBI that Halloween is coming?

The Man Is Keeping This Magical Elixir Away From You!
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The magical elixir is supposed to cure all sorts of ailments: gonorrhea, leukemia, sleepwalking, AIDS, arthritis, athlete’s foot — even anthrax. And now, thanks to Howey-in-the-Hills Mayor Greg Bittner and the Town Council, colloidal silver is the officially endorsed “simple solution” for anthrax or any other malady that might strike the 950 residents of the quiet Lake County village.

Bittner, definitely not taking his cue from medical science, told a council meeting last week: “This is the greatest medicinal item that has ever come along. It wipes out virtually every virus.” Wishful thinking. Federal health officials in 1999 prohibited the marketing of colloidal silver as a remedy for any disease because it turns human skin blue and gray — permanently. And they say the fluid — actually, tiny particles of silver suspended in distilled water — doesn’t cure a thing.

Officials at the Food and Drug Administration and the Federal Trade Commission were horrified to learn that any government would promote what they consider a
scam.

Potential New Japanese Fetish: Undercover Transvestite Police
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Cops often say police work is a drag, but it seems the Aichi Prefectural Police have taken the belief a step further in an effort to combat a criminal who pilfers women’s purses, according to Josei Jishin (10/30).

Parts of Nagoya have been plagued in recent months by a snatch-and-grab thief targeting young female office workers and hostesses walking along dark thoroughfares. With over 300 robberies reported for the year as of the end of September, police decided something had to be done.

As female officers are usually relegated to traffic duties in Japan, only the male members of the force were considered as realistic weapons to combat the crimes.
Although the idea of dressing up male officers as women trying to lure the bandits into the open began as a joke, Masanori Hyodo, an Aichi Prefectural Police lieutenant, soon found himself ordered to give it a try.

“We picked out four of the smallest, thinnest officers we could find and designated them our cross-dressing cop corps,” Hyodo says. “Snatch-and-grab crimes occur almost instantaneously, and neither the criminal nor the victim can recall many of the details of what’s happened.”

Um, I thought that it was a gag when they did it on Barney Miller, dressing Sgt. Fish up as an old lady. Go figure!

OK, Some Good News…
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Tough to find good news on the Earth these days, so we’ll take to the skies. The ozone layer may be in better shape this year than last.

Take a look at this picture of Ultralight pilots as they lead whooping cranes along a new migration path.

Here’s a picture to offer a few minutes of respite from the day’s news. Bird whistling soundtrack not included.

Paula Poundstone, Still Blaming It On The Booze, Gets Off Scot Free
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Comedian Paula Poundstone was sentenced today to five years probation, 180 days in an alcohol treatment program and told she could never be a foster parent again after she pleaded no contest to child endangerment charges.

Stupid Jedi Mind Tricks.
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It’s official: “Jedi Knight” is ON the list of religions for the 2001 UK census. A campaign to get people to write the entry on their census forms has succeeded in the term being included on the list of religions, alongside Church of England, Roman Catholic, Muslim, Buddhist and Hindu.

Free Electricity!
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A traveling salesman was in the Jefferson County Jail last night on charges of violating Kentucky’s consumer-protection laws in what authorities call a ”free electricity scheme.”

Dennis Lee of United Community Services of America was arrested about 3:30 p.m. Monday at the Holiday Inn on Fern Valley Road, where he was scheduled to conduct a seminar, said Todd Leatherman, director of the consumer protection division of the attorney general’s office.

He travels around the country promoting the Hummingbird/Sundance generator, ”a possible Free Electricity machine nearing completion,” according to the Web site.

The site also promises, ”we will mix up a fuel consisting of equal parts of pickle juice, soda pop, water, sugar, crude oil or old transmission gear oil, gas, soy sauce, even human urine, and a touch of perfume for smell and shake it up and run an internal combustion engine using that as fuel. . . .”

His site is a winner. http://www.ucsofa.com/ Make sure to check it out.

Why do newspapers never give the links to the sites they are covering in their stories?

Sanitizing History Through Name Changes
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Some advocacy groups want to make sure Squaw Spring, Jap Road and Chinaman Bluff soon go the way of Chinks Peak. The U.S. Board on Geographic Names changed the name of the mountain just outside Pocatello, Idaho, from Chinks Peak to Chinese Peak recently after a three-year campaign by Asian-American advocates.
Attempts to get rid of Indian nicknames and mascots in sports – such as the Cleveland Indians’ red-faced Chief Wahoo – have become familiar. But the Idaho effort is one of a handful of quieter projects aimed at changing the names of landmarks and natural features.

Half-Brain Girl To Humiliate Peers
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Christina Santhouse entered Conwell-Egan Catholic High School last month.

Not unusual for most 14-year-olds from Bristol, but a very big deal for a girl living without the right side of her brain. It was removed five years ago, after Christina developed an extremely rare, progressive disease that causes uncontrollable seizures.

To be sure, Christina underwent a radical procedure that causes serious side effects: She has partial paralysis of her left arm and leg, and she lost peripheral vision in her left eye. When Christina jerks her head the wrong way, she can feel fluid sloshing around where part of her brain used to be.

In almost every other respect, Christina is a typical teenager. Her intellect and memory are fine. She hates algebra, loves ‘N Sync. She has a big “Keep Out” sign on her bedroom door.

Let’s Have Another Drink To Celebrate My Sobriety
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A man who reportedly celebrated a sobriety milestone with rum and Coke, vodka and Bud Light was arrested Thursday by Des Moines police following a two-hour standoff after he allegedly threatened an acquaintance with a shotgun.

Burger King Marketing Department Even Likes Their Feet Flame Broiled
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About a dozen Burger King marketing-department workers burned their feet when they walked over white-hot coals at a meeting intended to promote bonding.

One woman was taken to a hospital emergency room, and Burger King brought in a doctor to treat others whose feet were blistered. Some workers used wheelchairs the next day when they went to the airport to leave for another company retreat.

Dana Frydman, vice president of product marketing for Burger King, was injured but had no regrets about the event she helped organize.

“It made you feel a sense of empowerment,” Frydman said, “and that you can accomplish anything.”

Except walk over hot coals.

THIS MUST BE THE PLACE
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Most Americans enjoy a longer life expectancy today compared with twenty-five years ago.
One of the critical factors in determining life expectancy is knowing where someone lives.
Americans living in suburbs and wealthy sections of cities are enjoying a much more dramatic upside than their counterparts in rural areas or crowded sections of cities.

KIDS IN TROUBLE
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According to a report released today, between 300,000 and 400,000 U.S. children are victims of the sex trade each year (prostitution, child pornography, etc.). According to the study’s author:
“Child sexual exploitation is the most hidden form of child abuse in the U.S. and North America today. It is the nation’s least recognized epidemic.”

Misc –

According to many economists, we may be nearing an end to the economic slide. But the climb back will be slow-going.
http://www.usatoday.com/money/economy/2001-09-10-nabe.htm

What are the chances that the 11-year tax cut sticks around for even the first few years?
http://washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A1304-2001Sep9.html

Amid increased violence (including the first suicide bombing by an Israeli Arab), Peres and Arafat plan to hold talks Tuesday.
http://www.msnbc.com/news/468764.asp

A new book gives a blow-by-blow account of key moments of the Supreme Court decision in election 2000. Included in this excerpt is a suggestion by David Souter that he could have convinced Anthony Kennedy to flip if he had one more day.
http://www.msnbc.com/news/626045.asp

First case of Mad Cow Disease found in Japan.
http://cnn.com/2001/WORLD/asiapcf/east/09/10/japan.madcow/

Blockbuster will reduce the number of VHS tapes in stores as DVDs rapidly become the first choice for customers.
http://www.boston.com/news/daily/10/blockbuster.htm

NUTS NOT PLAYING BACK HOME
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After her wildly bizarre interview with Barbara Walters and the release of her tell-all autobiofantasy, Anne Heche’s family has taken to the internet (where else) to voice their doubts about Anne’s stories. From mother Heche: “I am trying to find a place for myself in this writing, a place where I as Anne’s mother do not feel violated or scandalized. I find no place among the lies and blasphemies in the pages of this book.” Looks like Anne and her new hubby will be free for Thanksgiving this year.

last off –

What could make a self-thrown Michael Jackson tribute even more weird? Brando.

German University Remembers the Good Old Days
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The University of Bonn has caused outrage by naming Joseph Goebbels, the Nazis’ propaganda chief and fanatical anti-Semite, as one of its most famous alumni in an advertising drive for new students.

Describing its well-known “old boy,” the brochure says: “Goebbels was a student of the philosophy department from 1917 to 1918. From 1933 to 1945 the close friend of Hitler became propaganda minister and was responsible for Gleichschaltung, the forcing into line of the media and cultural life.”

Protests Against Little Catholic Schoolgirls Turn Violent
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Irate Protestants hurling stones and abuse terrorized scores of Roman Catholic girls for a second day Tuesday as they walked to school under massive security in Belfast.

Columns of military trucks and police with riot shields formed a corridor for the children, some as young as three, to enter a school in a Protestant area of north Belfast, where there was widespread rioting overnight.

“And let’s remember it’s small girls going to school.”

Japanese Try To Justify Masturbation, Tentacles Next!
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Toss away all those old wives’ tales promising hairy palms and short sightedness and simply toss away. Masturbation is good for guys, if Spa! (9/5) is anything to go by. Not only can a regular jerk apparently make a man in his 30s more attractive to women, it can also make him healthier and a better worker. In short, it seems a quick tug can indeed be a great helping hand in the quest for a successful life.

Turkish Reality TV: Minimum Wage Survivor
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ISTANBUL, Turkey (AP) — In a new twist to reality television, a Turkish show is pitting two middle class couples against each other to see who can survive on the country’s minimum wage of $84 a month.

Corporations Copyright Individual Alphabet Letters
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Who owns the letters of the alphabet? It sounds like a silly question, but courts around the world are grappling with it.

Just last month, for instance, a German publisher sued in the United States to claim the letter O, and a British judge awarded the initials WWF to the World Wildlife Fund, to the consternation of the World Wrestling Federation.

“It’s like ‘Sesame Street,’ ” said Susan P. Crawford, an expert in international intellectual property law in Washington. The law, she suggested, is in the process of turning the show’s whimsical tag lines — “brought to you by the letter O,” say — into something more serious.