— HOME ALONE?

The United States appears to be going it alone on more issues these days. Many in Congress were surprised when the world went ahead and adopted the Kyoto Accord in Bonn while the U.S. looked on. According to Senator Joe Lieberman: “Bonn surprised people. The feeling was that, if the United States took its football and left the field, the game couldn’t go forward. But the rest of the nations of the world found their own football, and they completed the game. They left the United States on the sidelines.”
{OK, so are we talking about American football or what the rest of the world calls football?}
http://latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-072501dioxide.story

+

A refusal to support a worldwide plan to enforce a ban on germ warfare is the latest issue in which the U.S. has split with many other nations.
http://www.msnbc.com/news/604811.asp

— THE DEVI MADE HER DO IT

The incredible life of India’s “Bandit Queen”, which saw her evolve from outlaw to politician {the opposite of the general U.S. evolution} comes to a violent end as she is shot down by masked gunmen.
http://cnn.com/2001/WORLD/asiapcf/south/07/25/india.devi/

— A MOUNTAIN DUE

In the last twenty years, young children in the U.S. have seen the amount of homework required of them triple. {It’s unclear whether that stat includes a penmanship exercise still sitting
in my desk drawer}.
http://cnn.com/2001/fyi/teachers.ednews/07/25/homework.increase.ap/

— ANY PREDICTIONS?

Missouri has filed lawsuits against the psychic Miss Cleo (if you have ever watched television, you know her) charging her with consumer fraud. According to the state’s attorney general: “Miss Cleo should have seen this coming. It doesn’t take a crystal ball to realize that ripping off consumers isn’t without consequences.”
http://boston/dailynews/206/nation/Missouri_s_attorney_general_ac:.shtml

and…

On his way to Beijing, Colin Powell expresses optimism about the release of the U.S. scholars convicted of spying in China.
http://latimes.com/news/nationworld/world/la-072501scholars.story

Teen birth rate falls to a record low in the U.S.
http://cnn.com/2001/HEALTH/parenting/07/25/teen.births.ap/

Condit will talk to FBI.
http://www.cnn.com/2001/US/07/24/missing.intern/

Patients’ bill of rights heads back to the waiting room.
http://washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49450-2001Jul25.html

Nato gets parties to re-establish cease-fire in Macedonia.
http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/nm/20010725/wl/balkans_macedonia_dc_183.html

Will AOL’s $100 million investment in Amazon lead to an eventual merger?
http://washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/aponline/20010724/aponline202130_000.htm

Opec cuts oil output. Consumers shouldn’t see much difference.
http://nytimes.com/aponline/business/AP-World-Oil-OPEC.html

Researchers believe they have solved the mystery of what killed the Iceman more than 5,300 years ago.
{So far, no warrants have been issued in the case.}
http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/ap/20010725/sc/iceman_mystery.html

The bedbugs, more often than ever, are biting.
http://travel.boston.com/world/072501_fl_bedbugs.html

Heroin Chic And Heroin Chicks
=================================
“Vogue” it ain’t. But “Mainline Lady”, a new Dutch glossy magazine for female drug addicts, is perhaps the ultimate in heroin chic.
“Getting them to kick the habit is not our first priority.”

Protesting The Blanding Of America
=================================
Nine people were arrested outside the house where MTV’s ”The Real World” is being taped, saying they fear the show will bring more gentrification in the North Side neighborhood.

The $18,000 Pizza
=================================
Lancaster County’s pizza controversy continues to mushroom at the taxpayer’s expense. Lancaster District Court Clerk Kelly Guenzel is now pondering whether she should go to court to force the county to pay the $18,000-plus in legal fees she racked up defending herself against a charge she misused public funds in reimbursing herself for $118.76 worth of pizza.

We’ve Got a 10-282; Fire Truck Sent to Help, Runs Victim Over
=================================
An elderly man wandering in the street was fatally struck by a fire engine dispatched to help him, authorities said. The fire engine and a rescue vehicle were responding to a 911 call Friday for a man who needed medical help.

Adding Zing To Your Bosses Pop
=================================
A 23-year-old man was being held in Kenosha County Jail Tuesday morning, accused of urinating into his supervisor’s Mountain Dew bottle.
Authorities said that the supervisor filed a complaint after opening the bottle and noticing that the soft drink did not taste right. A store worker informed him that he heard someone urinated in the soda.

Fatty Nose Eating Attack
=================================
A man’s nose was bitten off during an early-morning brawl last weekend outside a Flandreau bar.
The nose was located and put on ice by Flandreau police officers. The victim and the nose were taken to the hospital for reattachment.

Scientist Test Destroying World With New Technology
=================================
A powder touted as a potential way to weaken hurricanes sucked the moisture out of a thunderstorm Thursday in its latest test.
An airplane dropped $40,000 worth of the Dyn-O-Gel granules into a cloud 10 miles offshore. A television station’s weather radar confirmed the cloud then lost
moisture.
“The people in the tower visually confirmed that there was a tall buildup and the next moment it was gone,” said Kevin Sullivan, control tower supervisor at
the Palm Beach International Airport.

Spammobile On The Road
=================================
Pork shoulders and ham parts. It’s Spam, and fans consumed more than 1 billion cans of it last year. That information–plus free Spamburgers–were doled out
at Beloit’s Hormel plant on Tuesday as part of the first local appearance of the Spammobile.
“We’ve been to a lot of different events, including Ozz Fest.”

Did I Fail The Test?
=================================
A teen crashed into six cars Wednesday as she completed the final manoeuvre of her driving test: Parking.

Its Okay To Video Tape Pooping and Not Scooping
=================================
A jury Wednesday sided with a 50-year-old botanist who videotapes dog owners who ignore leash laws and their own dogs’ poop.
A three-man, three-woman County Court panel took 15 minutes to acquit Patrick Murphy of misdemeanor harassment. Murphy sighed deeply after hearing the verdict and later said he’d change some of his methods of tracking scofflaw dog owners.

Teen Gang Attacked By Otters
=================================
River otters attacked a 17-year-old houseboat vacationer, biting her and puncturing her skin more than 30 times, officials said. The severity of the assault by five otters was “unprecedented,” wildlife officials said, though three other minor incidents involving the furry water lovers have been reported at the lake in the last month.

This Hardware Store Sells Golden Showerheads
=================================
A Windsor man has been charged with public indecency after being caught on a security tape urinating on another customer inside a home improvement store, police said…
The guard then saw Harris walk up behind another customer and urinate on the back of the man’s pants, police said.
Harris then proceeded to walk away from the customer, but then returned and urinated on the man two more times, police said.

My favorite is the first one –

A SLICE OF LIFE
=================================
The latest item to hit your grocery store shelves will be sliced peanut-butter. The slices are individually wrapped like slices of cheese.
This comes at great news to those for whom spreading peanut butter manually presented them with an emotional cost that was simply too high.

Man Trapped for 80 Hours in Portable Toilet
=================================
A man was trapped for more than three sweltering days in a portable toilet after fleeing from muggers, a newspaper said on Tuesday.
“He screamed again and again for help and banged against the walls, but nobody heard him because it was on a very busy crossroads,” a policeman was quoted as saying.

Fatties Eat Extra Seat
=================================
This could be a fat tax of a different kind. No, this isn’t the one that gets floated now and again by health groups, suggesting everything from chocolate bars to fast-food burgers be slapped with an additional government levy to discourage their consumption.
This is the “tax” that the vast majority of airline travellers would have to pay so that obese individuals can get two seats for the price of one. Surely no one thinks that the airline would just absorb the cost of that seat. Nope, they’ll spread the cost around by making all the other passengers pay a little extra.
At least, that’s what might happen if Linda McKay-Panos, a civil liberties lawyer, gets her way. A few years back, Air Canada charged McKay-Panos half-price for a second seat. She sued and has managed to get the Canadian Transportation Agency to hold a hearing this fall on whether obesity constitutes a disability under the Canadian Transportation Act. If it does, the agency would likely allow obese passengers to get two seats for the price of one.

Nudie Kids Club
=================================
Nickelodeon’s popular children’s magazine is raising some eyebrows this month.
The cover of the August issue looks innocent, but it’s the article on page 24 that’s making some parents blush.
The article focuses on a nudist who answers questions.

Grandpa’s Got The AIDS
=================================
Lou Constantine is 55 years old, single and — like many people his age — sexually active. The Germantown resident is also typical of 50-plus singles in another way: He doesn’t practice safe sex and doesn’t think he needs to. Like many sexually active seniors, he doesn’t think he’s at risk for HIV. Constantine is nevertheless part of the one of the country’s fastest-growing AIDS demographics — heterosexuals 50 and older.

Sex Slave Trade in India
=================================
When Bharti Tapas was 14, she says she was sold into slavery, beaten and forced into prostitution. “When I arrived at the brothel, I refused to do what they told me to and they beat me and starved me for 10 days,” says the softspoken girl. “I thought I would rather kill myself than be forced to work as a prostitute.”
She was just a schoolgirl when she found herself in Bombay, along with thousands of other girls who are beaten, locked in tiny cages or hidden in attics. Some are forced to have sex with as many as 20 men a day under the watchful eyes of madams and pimps.
“They are not given enough to eat. There are no beds. They have to sleep on the floor. Sometimes they are raped,” says Ruchira Gupta, a social worker and documentary filmmaker who spent months investigating the horrors of Bombay’s brothels for her film The Trafficking of Innocents.

Sacred Nose Job
=================================
A Hindu woman has won £4,000 in damages after surgeons used “sacred” cow cartilage in her operation. The educational administrator said she would have never consented to the operation if she had known doctors were going to use parts of the cow, which is sacred to her religion.

Jerry Springer Guest Born
=================================
A 51-year-old lesbian has given birth to her brother’s baby after IVF treatment in America.
The revelation has provoked new fears that artificial insemination techniques are being misused.
It comes just weeks after a 62-year-old woman became France’s oldest mother by using her brother’s sperm to father a child.

Coon Bashing
=================================
Several Sparta teen-agers appeared in Monroe County Circuit Court this week for their part in a game they call “coon bashing.”
In the past two years, hundreds of animals including raccoons, deer and opossums have been killed in the game, said Department of Natural Resources officials.
Teens play the game by driving on rural roads in pickup trucks with anywhere from one to eight people in the back shinning spotlights on animals, said DNR Warden Rich Thole.
Shining is intended to cause the animal to stand still. When a group spots an animal, one person continues shining the animal while the others try to catch it.
The first to catch the animal steps on it. Then someone might beat it with a baseball bat or shoot it to death.

Man Tosses Puppies Into Shredding Machine
=================================
A man accused of killing four puppies by dumping them into an agricultural shredding machine because he was tired of them making a mess could face felony charges of cruelty to animals.

Convict Wins $300,000 For Unlawful Entry
=================================
James Stephens, a convicted burglar serving a 57-year sentence, took Marion County sheriff’s deputies to federal court. His mother wound up winning more than $300,000 in a lawsuit over the way they entered her apartment to arrest him.

Brushing Your Butt
=================================
A 69-year-old man who tried to relieve a painful bout of haemorrhoids with a toothbrush was forced to have the offending item surgically removed after it was lost “where the sun does not shine”.
“In some instances, the incidents appear to be rather more recreational than accidental in nature.”

Researchers in the UK have found that children who were exposed to music in the womb will recognize and prefer the songs after they are born.
http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/nm/20010712/hl/womb.html

and…

According to a report, hundreds of hospitals around the U.S. have a violated a rule that requires them to provide emergency care to anyone, regardless of an ability to pay.
http://latimes.com/templates/misc/printstory.jsp?slug=la%2D000057449jul13

Police take sample of Condit’s DNA.
Lawyer says Condit passes polygraph.
Rep. Bob Barr calls for his resignation.
http://cnn.com/2001/US/07/13/intern.missing/index.html

Leaders from India and Pakistan hold talks for the first time in two years.
http://www.economist.com/agenda/displayStory.cfm?story_id=690621

BMWs that run on hydrogen.
http://cnn.com/2001/TECH/science/07/13/hydrogen.cars.ap/

A company is set to introduce perfume that can be worn both by cats and their owners. (Personally… I like the way Newt smells now.)
http://boston.com/news/daily/13/cat_perfume.htm

Researchers say the best way to preserve the quality of wine isn’t corks, it’s screwcaps. (Would the frog like to sniff the bottle cap?)
http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/nm/20010713/od/screwcaps_dc.html

my fave of the day –

— FREEZE OR I’LL HUMILIATE MYSELF

A man tried to rob an adult entertainment store by holding his finger in the position of a gun and pointing it at employees. Further evidence that one’s fantasy life is best left in a darkened corner of one’s own home.

http://www.kgw.com/kgwnews/oregonwash_story.html?StoryID=22954

Quebec Cops Are Sissies
=================================
Four carloads of police, two ambulances and an animal control officer were needed to control a cat that mauled an elderly man. The commotion was so great that police responded in force because they thought they were dealing with a domestic dispute, said Marc Gaudreau, a spokesman for the Trois-Rivieres-Ouest public security department.

Stout Support for What Ales America
=================================
One Keystone State congressman believes Congress has yet to quench its thirst for tax cuts and is pressing to make happy hour a whole lot happier. A bill sponsored by Rep. Phil English, R-Pa., who said he represents a district of hard-working, blue collar constituents who like to drink beer, would roll back the federal excise tax on beer to pre-1991 levels — about half of what it is today.“In my view, alcohol taken in moderation can have a positive affect,”

I’m Drunk And We Both Know It Kits Available
=================================
Police officers pulling over suspected drunk drivers have a new enemy on the road these days.
It’s a wallet-sized booklet that with a push of a button makes a 10-second announcement that acts as a kind of verbal cop repellant.
“Please understand that I will only exit the vehicle for your safety or if under arrest,” the recorded voice says. “Please read the enclosed for additional information.”
It is called Ramsell’s Roadside Rights, named after DUI defense attorney Don Ramsell, who himself has been twice arrested on charges of driving under the influence of alcohol — and twice acquitted.
The device is supposed to keep police away from your window so they can’t look in your eyes or smell your breath. Drivers also hand police a card indicating they refuse to take a Breathalyzer or answer any questions without a lawyer present.

World To UK, Keep Your Farrakhan Ban
=================================
Lawyers for the controversial religious leader Louis Farrakhan have begun their appeal to overturn a 15-year old ban excluding him from the UK.
The ban was first imposed in 1986 by the then UK Home Secretary Douglas Hurd, following opposition to Farrakhan’s presence in Britain by the Board of Deputies of British Jews who cited his “anti-Semitic and racially divisive views.”

Dude, It Like Made Him Mellow And Stuff
=================================
He’s 7 years old and afflicted with a brain disorder that has wracked his body with extreme changes in mood, energy and behavior for years.
And now he’s at the center of a controversy that pits a caring parent against a protective bureaucracy on the high-octane battlefield of medical marijuana.

Farmer Cuts Off Own Arm To Save Self
=================================
After finding himself in the maws of a bailling machine, the farmer realizes his only way to avoid being sucked in is to cut his own arm off, with a metal strip from his headphones.
“I was scared, but after I cut my own arm off, I had all sorts of adrenaline,” he said.
His father looked for his arm while his friend drove him to Fairview Ridges Hospital in Burnsville…
Wagner said his arm still hurts and that doctors told him they might need to amputate more of it. He said he thinks he’ll be able to continue farming, “but not like I really want to.”

Ex-Menudo Member Claims To Have Career
=================================
A former member of the Latin pop group Menudo claims a massage-chair mishap at a Sharper Image store had him seeing double.
“Contrary to its name, defendant Sharper Image has caused blurred and double vision” for Ruben Gomez, his $12 million lawsuit charges.
“This is about economic loss. His whole career was pushed back because of this injury,” said his lawyer, Pam Liapakis.

Police seize body parts and evidence of satanic worship in apartment
=================================
A telephone tip from an informant led police to search an apartment where they
found what appear to be a skull, bones, a brain, a fetus in a jar and dangerous
chemicals, police said.

Fireworks Kill
=================================
JERSEY CITY, N.J. — Some 5,000 police officers from as far away as Canada and
Ireland poured into Jersey City Wednesday to honor an off-duty patrolman who
died after he was beaten with a metal pipe.
Officer Domenick Infantes — a 29-year-old newlywed — died Friday, two days
after he was beaten in the head when he asked two brothers to stop setting off
fireworks…
Infantes was off duty when he asked two men to stop setting off fireworks, but
he identified himself as a police officer. One of the brothers did not believe
him because Infantes did not have a gun, police said.

Kids Choose Gang Bang Over Funeral
=================================
Ten Coeur d’Alene High School students were charged with sexual exploitation
for videotaping themselves having sex with a 16-year-old female classmate,
Kootenai County Prosecutor Bill Douglas said Tuesday. The incident occurred on May
25, when the students were supposed to be attending the funeral of a classmate.

Poopy Health Monitor
=================================
A company in Cheshire is designing a futuristic toilet which can monitor human
waste and spot health problems. With a voice-activated seat, automatic flush
and the ability to detect health problems, the company says it is a “major
breakthrough” in toilet technology. Urine and stool samples would be examined by the
toilet, not only for health problems but for dietary content.
“If, for example, a person is short on roughage one day, an order of beans or
pulses will be sent from the VIP to the supermarket and delivered that same
day.”

The $9 Million Anal Plug
=================================
Attorneys for a Haitian immigrant tortured by New York police officers in a
precinct bathroom nearly four years ago appeared close Wednesday to reaching a $9
million settlement with the city and police officers union.
A gag order, imposed earlier this year by federal Magistrate Judge Cheryl
Pollak, prevented lawyers from disclosing details. However, sources told the
Associated Press the award would be close to $9 million. The city and the Patrolmen’s
Benevolent Association, the police union, would pay it. That amount would make
it the largest settlement ever for a single claim of police brutality in New
York, according to officials with the city comptroller’s office.

Salon To Be Gutted?
=================================
Ambitious 24-Year-Old Pushes Plan to Buy Salon and Turn It Into a Clearinghouse
for Other Publications
When your stock price hits 13 cents, you’d be surprised who comes out of the
woodwork with big plans. Bhu Srinivasan, ex-CEO of ThinkView and a veteran of
Infospace, wants to slash the staff and substitute high-brow syndicated material.

The Poke-Bandits
=================================
LAS CRUCES, N.M. — Three children — ages 2, 4 and 6 — were briefly detained by
police after a neighbor saw them throw a bottle through a store’s glass door,
then dart away with packs of Pokemon trading cards, police say.

Being A Transexual Is A Legal Handicap
=================================
A New Jersey appeals court ruling that transsexualism can be considered a
handicap under state law has raised questions — and hackles — over the legal rights
of people who change genders.
“I’m going to start wearing a hula skirt to work because now I know I’m
protected,”

First A Special Haircut, Now A Special Dental Treatment
=================================
The Scottish Prison Service has admitted flying a dentist to the Netherlands to
treat the man convicted of the Lockerbie bombing. The disclosure came days
after it was revealed that the SPS had dispatched a female officer to Camp Zeist to
provide Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi with a haircut.

The UK Has Run Out Of Elastic!!!!
=================================
A church verger in the West Midlands is appealing for women to donate their
knicker elastic to keep the church clock going.
The clock, in the tower of All Saints Church, West Bromwich, stopped last week.
The verger, David Lord, said the clock’s workings relied on a piece of string
and a piece of elastic.

Man Arrested For Overdue Library Book
=================================
His affection for “Green Eggs and Ham” cost an Ann Arbor man $200 and a trip to
the city police department Friday.
The 25-year-old was arrested about 2 p.m. on a warrant from Westland, because
he failed to appear in court July 6 to explain why in three years he hadn’t
returned two children’s books to the William P. Foust Public Library.

I’m Not Drunk, I’m Deaf… and drunk
=================================
When police pulled over Steven Bircoll one night in April, officers thought he
was drunk: He slurred his words, he smelled of booze and he refused to take a
Breathalyzer test, according to reports.
Bircoll has a different explanation: He’s deaf. He didn’t understand what the
Miami-Dade County officers were telling him. He says he thought he agreed to
take the breath test — and the whole thing was a big misunderstanding.

DEATH PARAGRAPH

According to Amnesty International, China has gone on an “execution frenzy.” In the last three months, China has executed about 1,780 people (with a bullet to the back of the head). That number is greater than the total number of executions in the rest of the world over the last three years.

— YOUR MONEY’S NO GOOD HERE

It took nearly a month for the folks at H & R Block to convince a New Jersey man the million bucks he won was not a joke or a scam.

and…

Robert Hanssen officially pleads guilty to spying.
He avoids the death penalty and the FBI avoids a courtroom airing of national security secrets.

The American airman accused of rape in Japan is turned over to Japanese authorities.

U.S. unemployment levels rise to 4.5%.

The Peace Corps is recruiting former dot commers.
{I wonder what kind of equity packages they offer?}

A dog successfully crosses six lanes of Arizona highway. Story includes the incredible video.