UPDATE- net hoax, apparently. still a funny story, though.

Transcript of apocryphal radio conversation between United States Aircraft Carrier USS Lincoln and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.

Americans:
“Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.”

Canadians:
“Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.”

Americans:
“This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.”

Canadians:
“No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.”

Americans:
“THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT’S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER- MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.”

Canadians:
“We are a lighthouse. Your call.”

Reality Check – in the vault of ancient email… I imagine it’s correct, but have not validated it.

If we could shrink the earth’s population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, there would be:

57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 from the Western Hemisphere, both North and South
8 Africans

52 would be female
48 would be male
70 would be non-white
30 would be white
70 would be non-Christian
30 would be Christian
89 would be heterosexual
11 would be homosexual
6 people would possess 59% of the entire world’s wealth and all 6 would be from the United States
80 would live in substandard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition

1 would be near death
1 would be near birth
1 would have a college education
1 would own a computer

I will be here only as time allows… pulling double and possibly triple shifts until 12/20. (save for the weekend, when I’ll most likely be sleeping to recharge the batteries.

Has not been too bad, thus far.

I’m only into it 1 hour, natch.

Life is a dream, yet it’s so real.
Hard to explain, just how you feel.
Deep in your heart, joy seems to dwell.
Like poets say, it’s perfectly swell.

In every step, of this old dance,
There is delight, love and romance.
If you are the one, give me the few,
And I am sure there’s no one like you.
You are all I dream.
You are a part of my heart and esteem.
And since I’ve met you,
Now I know that dreams do come true.

Love is a dream, yet it’s so real.
Hard to explain, just how you feel.
Deep in your heart, joy seems to dwell.
Like poets say, it’s perfectly swell.

“Nihilistic mystics, epistolic alcoholics
Messianic manics, cataclysmic and horrific
In the age of superboredom, hype and mediocrity
Celebrate relentlessness, menace to society…”
-KMFDM, “Megalomaniac”

Fidel Castro, president of Cuba and continual thorn in the side of the United States government, has once again demonstrated his capacity to confound and mystify.

On the occasion of the 20th anniversary of the shooting death of John Lennon, Castro has unveiled a life-sized statue of the Beatle in Havana’s El Vedado Park. The sculpture, by artist Jose Villa Soberon, is not in the grand and pompous style of socialist realism, but is actually quite low key. Lennon is depicted in full hippie garb: long hair, jeans, and wire-rimmed glasses. He is sitting crosslegged on a park bench with one arm on the armrest and the other on the back of the bench. Passersby can sit down right next to him, and it’s only a matter of time before it becomes a prime stop the tourist photo tour of Havana.

Ironically, back in the 1960s the music of the Beatles was banned in Cuba, branded as “decadent” by Castro’s government. But Lennon’s activism against the Vietnam War and for other progressive causes have made him a hero there, so presumably it’s okay to listen to the White Album in Cuba, provided you can afford a stereo. Or electricity.

Castro called Lennon a “revolutionary”, presumably in the socialist sense of the word “revolution”, the highest praise you could get in a communist nation. Aping the words of the song “Imagine”, he said “I am a dreamer who has seen some of his dreams become reality.” He claimed he wished he had met Lennon. Lennon never visited Cuba.

If anyone finds some good pictures of this statue, please let me know. In the meantime. for some small pictures, see:

pictures

Am I Hot or Not? gets 7 million hits a day; me-toos could hardly be far behind. You can weigh in on its little brother Am I Hot?, look over the black sheep of the family at Am I Goth or Not?, or decide which father of our country you would like the best at Brunching Shuttlecocks ‘ Am I President or Not?

Eh, you’ve probably got a better shot with one of your kissing cousins at the illuminated Monkey Hot or Not?

Here’s the latest SF concept to move toward reality: smart dust. Flakes of silicon with sensors and an onboard computer, so small they float like motes of dust, linked by lasers to communicate their findings to each other or a base. Use them for security . . . for research . . . for recon in wartime . . . for spying on businesses or individuals in peacetime. Neil Stephenson wrote about them in “The Diamond Age.” Now they’re coming. Here’s the San Francisco Chronicle story.

Bigger than “smart dust,” but self-powered . . . the postage-stamp-sized “mesicopter” is about to make its first trial flight. (Hmm. Imagine a dozen of these as command and control units for a half-million flecks of smart dust.) Here’s the New Scientist story.

You can use this great graphic tracking tool, called J-Track , to locate exactly where all those Mind Control Lasers are at any given time . . . if you can just figure out which ones they are.

WINNIPEG (Reuters) – Two 20-year-old men in rural western Canada could be banned from handling firearms after what police on Friday called a bizarre experiment.

It began when one of the men brought a military-style bullet-proof vest back to their Swan River, Manitoba, home. He then asked his room-mate to shoot him in the chest with a 22 caliber rifle.

That done, and pleased with the lack of damage, he asked his friend to shoot him in the back with a 12 gauge shotgun.

This time, the duo decided to stuff a phone book inside the vest for a bit of insurance.

The phone book absorbed much of the blow, but the target still suffered cracked ribs and bruising.

“The biggest question is why and it’s difficult to come up with a logical reason,” said Sgt. Steve Saunders of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police in Winnipeg.

Neither man faces police charges but the Mounties are seeking a five-year firearms prohibition.

in the download section.

another holiday secret about scotto –

I wrap gifts in old comic books. waste not, want not. I have not used ‘wrapping paper’ per se in about a decade. recycle! you can get comics at the $.10 bin at most comic shops, or use some you have at the house, if you collect, and realise that ‘superman’s death’ thing really isn’t ever going to go up in value.

um…

hats of meat?

fully intended to get more done than I did today, but enough is enough.

got some shopping done, bought some lovely scents for my hippie friends, got newt a nice black collar with a purple ID tag, still haven’t gotten my Christmas cards to send out! Arr! tomorrow.

did laundry, and while doing that, I had a lovely lunch at Miami subs. or so I thought…I feel that I may’ve gotten poisoned in some way, because fully 30 minutes after eating a Greek salad and pita, everything in my body decides to evacuate from one port or another. I’m glad I was home, stopping off to change from laundry duds to some good clean clothes, for serious shopping. Without getting too graphic, suffice it to say I’ll be staying home for the rest of the night. My gut feels like I was kicked there, by an angry mule.

four things are on my mind.

1. Ornj, of course, first and foremost. She’s just spiffy… a shame I haven’t seen her yet today, but I imagine the weekend has many constraints on her time, this being the holiday season and all. I hope to see her soon, and will think kind thoughts of her uber-spiffiness in the meantime.
2. Age of Kings II – the conquerors…. maybe I can get a leg up on sweetalyssm and beat her up with a horde of fresh, angry Huns or Mayans.
3. Writing – got to get extra bonus stuff out, as hell week approaches, and nothing of creative writing consequences will occur after Dec 19.
4. The Sims, develop a Chia-pet object, and take Chia-head to his final resting place.

swerve mentioned this in her journal, and I think it bears spreading around.

why web journals suck

the bits about saying things about people other than yourself is especially pointed. I’ve seen other folks ‘outed’ here, without their knowledge, and it had no real bearing on the entry, and even worse invasions of a person’s privacy here and there.

Just so you know, I don’t follow many of the Elements Of Excellent And Good Journals listed…

the reason I started a journal here was for a personal journal, and ease of use… before there was such a thing as private entries. now, I can mix and match my eye’s only and ‘sure, you can read it’ quite a lot. that’s mutated a bit, I like sharing lots of stuff with you out there now. I’ve met quite a few nice folks, and I wanted to take a moment to say thank you. For the vast majority, I’ve received a great number of positive strokes, and I think I’ve gotten a few real friends out of this. Thanks, gang.

Why do you folks journal?

Another question is, how do you stay on top of all your friend’s? I try to read all of them, but I cannot. Some days they all post at once, or I have a hard work day, or the net goes down, and they all fly past, like jet fighters at an airshow… I hear some noise, but the physicality is long gone.

Dear Asplundh (if that’s even your real name),

We know you’re up to something. You and your obscenely loud colored “tree-trimming” vehicles. Look, I don’t even want to know what. Maybe the government, maybe terrorists, maybe aliens, maybe little angry Dutch children, but WHOEVER you are really affiliated with,and WHOEVER you are doing the dirty work for, I promise you one thing: You won’t get me. That’s right. I defy you. Myself, and millions (well, thousands. . . .well, hundreds. . . .well maybe just me) of others have noticed your suspicious activities, and we will no longer ignore the threat you pose to us and our children. Did you think we wouldn’t notice that your trucks stake out various, highly suspicious, areas for days? That we wouldn’t notice that you travel in fleets often ridiculous in size to accomplish the menial job being performed for a particular “client”. That we wouldn’t notice that all your employees are strangely all very large and muscular?? (Yeah right, the fact that they supposedly do very difficult outdoor labor has anything to do with this; sure) We are ON to you guys. Better watch your step. I won’t promise that the next Asplundh truck sitting near *my* driveway won’t become squirrel chow. Oh yeah! And were do you even get “Asplundh” from?? An ancient Nordic Curse, no doubt. I shudder when I think about what “vegetation management” your company performs. [shudder]. Possible meanings? A secret army of Radishes (how long has it been since I have eaten a radish?!) to take over the world? Filling every tree in the forest with a network of listening devices? Revenge on those people in the world who always win the “Lawn of the Month” award in their neighborhood over you, by poisoning their tulips? I already know that for my act of boldness I will be hunted down and tortured for questioning, but I am not afraid. My stand here today will turn over a new “leaf” for your company.

You have been warned.
John

don’t mess with monkeys.

also, from pwot.com… the most unique sanrio gift for that special someone.

The ‘Hello Kitty’ Iron Smelting Furnace

Arkon Metalworks. $1,400.00