so these two guys walk into a bar, right? and the first guy says to the bartender, “gimme a cold fardel on the jingle jangles, eh?” to which the bartender replies, “huh?” so the first guy says, “a cold fardel on the jingle jangles! didn’t you hear me the first time?” the bartender, stupefied, replies, “hey look, pal, i never heard of a cold fardel on the jingle jangles.”

at this point, the second guy, in disbelief, says, “what? what kind of bartender do you call yourself, jerky?” he pulls out a big ol’ hunting knife, the kind that rambo used to free those POWs, and sticks it right straight into the belly of that poor old bartender. that’s when one of the waitresses leans over and says, “what the hell are you doing? ahhhhh! ahhhhhh!” and she screams and runs out.

this isn’t a joke or anything. it’s just another example of what can happen.

pieces of my mind. things that are there.

I’m reminded of the old computer Game Blood – An evil god has taken over the world, and you’re out to stop him. Not because it’s the right thing to do, not because you want to restore the world, but because you were the gods right-hand man and he didn’t give you what he promised. And that really pissed you off. Heroic actions, selfish reasons. And a fun game as well.

There once was a man from Peru
Who dreamed he was eating his shoe
He woke with a fright
In the middle of night
And realized his dream had come true

a monkey pushing a wheelbarrow, wearing a flowered vest. (NOT CURIOUS GEORGE!)

tentacle rape. is that a totally asian cartoon phenom or what?

every adam sandler movie – Adam Sandler plays an orphaned idiot/single-parent child who must overcome seemingly insurmountable intellectual barriers in order to save his grandma’s house/father’s business/uncle’s farm from evil developers/politicians/Bob Barker, all with the help of the child sidekick/girlfriend he’ll meet along the way!

Steve Martin only impresses me more every day. Brilliant.

every daytime tv-show – cheating teenage lesbian gang members reconcile with parents by getting a makover at prison bootcamp.

I like pie.

What if the Hokey Pokey is really what it’s all about?

I before E, except after C, and in neighbor, weight, and protein