due to a slimy little weasel (the old bosses’ son), surfing on my machine is now not an option at work. Fortunately, I have my laptop and a dial up connection. I’m not going to show up on the firewall any more. Stupid kid wrecked it for the rest of us.

He shot himself in the foot, claiming that I was surfing all day, and not doing any work. Now that I’ve pointed out that we have monitoring software installed the big boss is going to hopefully see who the real slacker is. (Downside, no LJ or Amazon from work, unless it’s on the laptop, too)

Monkey brain probe The Monkey brain edibility probe is now on the market, disguised as a ‘healing massage device’. don’t believe it.

The Jiffy-pop Apes are simply using your desire for comfortable scalps to thier own advantage. Don’t succumb! Next thing you know, you’ll be showing your nipples to complete strangers. Settle on boobypops instead.

Just you wait, you’ll see… but then it’ll be far too late for me to help you.

Maybe it’s time to call in the anti-primate revenge squad… sadly, humans are primates too. I wonder if the kittens in capes can possibly make things right?

dreams, the bus.

I dreamt last night that my sweetie was writing a “ransom note” to a co-worker in alpha-bits, and she had me sort the letters out in a fresh box while preparing the text for the note.

No glue or anything on the letters, just arranged on his desk, warning him that doom was soon to befall him… and I think it was implied that he was to eat the note after reading it. I’m not sure… it was a little hazy on that point.

I wonder how the plan of coming revenge on the ‘mad knocker’ is coming along?

memory of transit

ebil gnus

Paula Poundstone, Still Blaming It On The Booze, Gets Off Scot Free
Comedian Paula Poundstone was sentenced today to five years probation, 180 days in an alcohol treatment program and told she could never be a foster parent again after she pleaded no contest to child endangerment charges.

Stupid Jedi Mind Tricks.
It’s official: “Jedi Knight” is ON the list of religions for the 2001 UK census. A campaign to get people to write the entry on their census forms has succeeded in the term being included on the list of religions, alongside Church of England, Roman Catholic, Muslim, Buddhist and Hindu.

Free Electricity!
A traveling salesman was in the Jefferson County Jail last night on charges of violating Kentucky’s consumer-protection laws in what authorities call a ”free electricity scheme.”

Dennis Lee of United Community Services of America was arrested about 3:30 p.m. Monday at the Holiday Inn on Fern Valley Road, where he was scheduled to conduct a seminar, said Todd Leatherman, director of the consumer protection division of the attorney general’s office.

He travels around the country promoting the Hummingbird/Sundance generator, ”a possible Free Electricity machine nearing completion,” according to the Web site.

The site also promises, ”we will mix up a fuel consisting of equal parts of pickle juice, soda pop, water, sugar, crude oil or old transmission gear oil, gas, soy sauce, even human urine, and a touch of perfume for smell and shake it up and run an internal combustion engine using that as fuel. . . .”

His site is a winner. http://www.ucsofa.com/ Make sure to check it out.

Why do newspapers never give the links to the sites they are covering in their stories?

chimera / tantivy

chimera ky-MIR-uh, noun:

1. (Capitalized) A fire-breathing she-monster represented as having a lion’s head, a goat’s body, and a serpent’s tail.

2. Any imaginary monster made up of grotesquely incongruous parts.

3. An illusion or mental fabrication; a grotesque product of the imagination.

4. An individual, organ, or part consisting of tissues of diverse genetic constitution, produced as a result of organ transplant, grafting, or genetic engineering.

Chimera comes from Latin chimaera, from Greek chimaira “she-goat, chimera.”

tantivy tan-TIV-ee adverb

At full gallop; at full speed.


A fast gallop; rush.




A hunting cry by a hunter riding a horse at full speed.

Of obscure origin, perhaps from the sound of a galloping horse’s feet.